When I first had a baby, I wanted to prove to others that I could still be fun, take our son places and be the same person I was before. After a bit of time passed, the need to please and do everything I did pre-baby became impossible, and the desire to fade as well. Something similar happens when you quit drinking. We want to still be fun, and show people that we can still hang. The truth is, you will change as a person once you get sober. You might have to limit the time you spend with the triggering people.
No one cares
The truth is, no one really cares what’s in your cup or what you are consuming. Most people are far too wrapped up in their own self to worry that much about what we have in our cup.
You might get some initial fascination with you and why you are now suddenly choosing to forgo the glass of wine that you were always the first to pour. If someone is relentless that can often be traced back to their own preoccupation with booze and has nothing to do with you.
You don’t have anything to prove to anyone
This is especially true in early sobriety. Saying no to events with people you don’t genuinely like is ok and necessary. Not going out to the bars most likely won’t bring you the same joy it once did. You are allowed to say no and not go. When we say yes to going to an event to appease others, we are saying no to ourselves. This can lead to putting our sobriety on the back burner as it then becomes easier to just say yes to having a drink. Prove to yourself that the decision to not drink comes first, everything else, in the beginning, comes second.
Be clear upfront
If wine was your thing and you get an invite to go to a wine bar or wine tasting, it’s probably best to decline and suggest another outing. I made this mistake with a family dinner night around 6 months in, it was Italian themed so of course there was a ton of wine on the table. I became extremely uncomfortable at the table and ended up having to excuse myself. My family was supportive and was asking me what I needed from them. I could have said upfront, please just don’t have bottles of wine laid out on the table, this is very triggering for me. Done, this would not be a problem but instead, I said nothing. Not everyone is going to be this supportive but this but if it’s offered up, take it and state your needs clearly!
We owe it to ourselves
Our decision to not drink is just that, your own decision. It has nothing to do with anyone else. Staying true to you and keeping that promise to yourself is what matters. Reminding yourself why you started on this journey will help you to stay grounded when you do get a snide remark from someone. Going to someone or being around people that might potentially jeopardize your sobriety is just not worth it.